"But will you…?" or making time to nurture yourself

I recently saw a discussion online between crafters and artisans, expressing their frustration at craft fair visitors who dismiss their work with “I could make that at home”. One participant had a great response, which was to ask them “but will you?”

There’s a big gap between what you could do and what you will do – time, energy, prioritisation and habit inevitably whittle down the list of great intentions to our actual actions. Sometimes, if you want that beautiful hand crafted gift, you’d do better to buy it from the expert at the fair than try to fit in making it yourself between work, family and all your other commitments (and maybe feeling let down if you don’t manage it).

A massage is time for yourself

For many years I used to see a therapist on a Thursday evening at 6 after work (back when I still worked in an office). I’d make sure I finished work in time to get to her, and planned other arrangements around those appointments. It was my commitment to looking after myself, and it worked well. The time came to end those sessions, but I still wanted to take the time to nurture myself, so I planned to continue to set aside that hour on a Thursday evening, for meditation and reflection, quiet down time for me. Then one week there was a deadline at

work, and I stayed a bit later. I decided it made more sense to go shopping straight from work and have “me time” a bit later – then I was hungry so I ate first, and tired, so an early night seemed like a good idea – that’s looking after myself as well, right? – and just like that the routine I’d had for years was gone; somehow I no longer had time for looking after me.

It turned out that, while in theory “I could do that at home”, when it came to “but will I?”, the answer was no.

A session with a massage therapist is time taken to look after yourself. There’s the physical work to ease pain and stiffness, and the emotional benefit of receiving touch from another person. But there are other aspects of the experience that you could do at home. Closing the door, turning off the phone, shutting out external distractions and being quiet for a while. Taking time away from work, family, chores etc to relax and recharge  Giving yourself permission to focus on you and your needs for a while. Creating a warm, welcoming, safe space to rest and reflect. 

But will you?

Maybe the answer is yes, in which case, good for you. If, like me, you find that real life trumps good intentions more often than not, don’t beat yourself up, you’re only human. Like buying a gift you “could make” but won’t, allow an expert to help you, and book a regular massage*. Once committed you will find the time to get to the appointments. It’s incredibly empowering to go from “I really should…” to “I make time for this”, and your body and mind will thank you for taking care of yourself.

Relax and recharge

* and by booking four or more massage treatments up front, you get a 20% saving - see here for details






P.S. If you are inspired to “do it at home”, whether occasionally or to create a regular habit, here are my tips.

• Choose the calmest room in your home, where you can sit or lie comfortably.
• Close the door and ensure you won’t be disturbed by other people (or pets) for a set time. Turn the phone and other devices off.
• Ensure you are warm – your temperature can drop when you are still for a while, so gather blankets to snuggle under.
• Turn down the lighting – use lamps or candles, to create a soft, warm atmosphere.
• Play soft music, something you find soothing (but not annoying or distracting). As well as adding to the atmosphere, this softens any external sounds that come in.



Creating a welcoming,
safe place to reflect

• Introduce pleasant aromas – with candles, incense, essential oils, flowers or creams (see below).

Now you are ready for whatever practice works for you, and feels good right now. Some suggestion are:

• Breathe. Simply that. Focus on slow, deep inhalation and exhalation, feeling your body rise and fall from your abdomen to your collar bone. One of the simplest ways to ground and calm yourself.
• Meditate – your own practice, or try one of the many guided meditations and visualisations that are available.
• Gently stretch your body, working through the different areas, easing through any tension and enjoying the sensation of length and movement, connecting with your body.
• If you practice yoga, do some home practice, listening to what your body, and mind, need.
• Write – take a pen and paper and pour your thoughts out. Don’t try to organise them too much, or to filter. Sometimes just expressing something that’s been going round and round in our heads can help to clarify what’s going on and illuminate the next step.
• Pamper your body. Take a luxurious body cream and slowly and lovingly smooth it into your skin. This smells great, feels great, reconnects us with our bodies and sooths us through touch.
• Daydream. Let your mind wander, explore your imagination, see where it takes you and experience your own creativity.

What do you do to nourish yourself? I’d love to hear your additions to the list in the comments below.



Be kind to yourself. Treat body and mind through compassionate, healing touch - visit Lucinda's website

Reflections from the beach

I've just passed a lovely, lazy week in beautiful Nikiana, home of Serenity Retreat where I worked for two months last year. This year I was off duty, just relaxing and rejuvenating. So I've had plenty of time to reflect on the year that's passed and where I'm at, and how lovely it is to be on holiday - and this is pretty much where I got to.

1.  Resting is not the same as Recharging.

I've been working more or less non-stop for months, plus in the few weeks before I went I moved house, never an easy process. Although I was (usually) getting enough hours of sleep, I realised when I got to Nikiana that I was weary. And that lasted for 4 or 5 days while I slept, chilled out, sunbathed - this last being very important, I swear I'm solar powered, the sun does me a world of good. The lesson learnt - to find ways to have a proper break regularly, and incorporate this into my life more than once or twice a year. It also ties in with some strands of ideas I have about what I can provide to my lovely clients, but it's early days on that still, so no spoilers.

2.  Mediterranean tomatoes are the best.

They just are.

3.  I don't read enough.

I got through 8 books in a week, and well into the ninth. That may be a little excessive for business as usual, but still - I like reading, I devour books when I get a chance, whether classics, fun light stuff (love supernatural fiction at the moment, I covered vampires, shamans and zombies this week) or practical books on running a business. Why limit something that I get so much out of to a few weeks in the year?

4.  Sometimes you have to permit yourself to do nothing.

Permit being the operative word - as in give yourself permission. Actively. When you're self-employed, it's easy to be always on, thinking about the next thing to do, constantly aiming to be productive. You're not constantly productive, it's impossible, but you always feel you should be doing MORE. I'm sure the same is true of raising a family, organising a club, running a household, all the things we do with our lives. A wise friend told me years ago that it's important, not just to slow down sometimes, but to STOP. To let go, step outside "normal life", and breathe. He was right.

5.  Swimming in the sea is my favourite form of exercise.

Some caveats - it must be warm, clear, turquoise sea, preferably in a beautiful setting. So this isn't entirely practical in Hertfordshire. Nonetheless, I think it's useful to know.

6.  Talking to lovely people outside your day to day life is good.

It gives you a chance to voice concerns, to air ideas you're not sure about without second guessing your listeners' reactions, worrying about the impact it might have on them or what they might think of you. There's no pressure to follow through on something you discuss, or explain. I think this is one of the nice things about travelling - often the people you meet who have gone to the same places as you, chosen to do similar things, are your type of people. It's easy to share ideas, think out loud, just chat and see where the conversation goes. It's about the present, not the past or future, as you don't have either together (except maybe the odd Facebook update down the road). This kind of holiday conversation can also be good practice in relating to people in a straightforward way, without hidden agendas or manipulation, which is always a useful reminder to have.

7.  I'd lost my connection to my body.

Being in my body was a lesson I'd learnt and valued. I'd built up a strong yoga practice and went outside and walked regularly, knowing it grounded me, made me better. But since I have been doing massage full time, I've become lazy. A little ironic - I think that as I was doing a physical job, I felt I was covered, wasn't I? Uh-uh. Doing massage, the focus is on my client's body, not mine, and mine needs some love and attention. Which this week it got - walking (a bit), swimming, basking in the sun, and three wonderful, nurturing, attentive massages. A double dose of TLC - from the lovely Jane, but also from me: noticing how it felt, where the tight bits were, enjoying the sensations and feelings of being stroked, kneaded, stretched. How lovely it would be to have massages every other day all the time! Unfortunately, it's just not possible, but I can have them every week or two (unsurprisingly, I know a lot of massage therapists) and I can attend to my body in other ways - self massage, yoga, walking. Even a simple bath can be a treat if taken with care and attention.

ABC of why to have massage

In case you were unsure, here's the A to Z of benefits massage might bring you.


Allow yourself to STOP
Bolster your natural defences
Calm your nervous system

Dissolve tension – physical and emotional
Ease stiffness in muscles

Mmmmmm...

Foster wellbeing and self-care
Ground yourself in your body
Honour your body, and your need for connection
Improve your flexibility
Just feel great
Knead muscles into glorious, squidgy release
Lessen muscle pain
Make yourself go mmmmmm……
Nurture your whole being
Open your joints for freer movement
Promote (practically) perfect posture
Quieten your mind – stop all those spinning thoughts
Relax! Mind, body and spirit

Zzzz...

Stimulate blood flow in your skin, muscles and connective tissue
Trigger the release of endorphins, the natural feel-good hormones
Uplift your mood
Vitalise skin
Warm and soothe your tissues
Xperience nurturance through touch
You really must try one, and – yawn - 
Zzzz Slip into peaceful, natural sleep

Sound good to you? Contact me to book a massage today.